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I have another journal, but this one is strictly for notes about my new diet.


Saturday, January 19, 2002

I am SO full. I just had the largest 1-point lunch. I made soup, with some f/f chicken stock, canned tomatoes, and then added about 1/4 onion, sliced, 1 zucchini sliced, a handful of frozen green beans, and about half a coup of kidney beans. Simmered it all til the veggies were soft and it made two very large bowls of soup. I was going to have yogurt for dessert, but I'm too full, so will save that for afternoon snack.

For me, there are very predictable stages in a diet. (Excuse me--"eating plan") Especially in the early days. At first there's the "adjusting to the diet" phase. Then there's the "this isn't so bad, I can do this phase," and then there is the phase I'm entering now which is realization that all you think about all day long is food. When you have your snack, what you can eat within points, how many points you've eaten that day, how many you have left to go, what new recipe you're going to try, what you'll get when you go to the store, etc., etc. Sometimes this phase lasts a long time. My immediate goal is to get through this phase and into when eating just becomes routine and when keeping track of points is no big deal and when I am not so fixated on food. It's not that the diet is difficut at all. It's just that as I got my 10 a.m. snack (an orange), I realized that I'd been watching the clock until 10 a.m. I try not to eat between breakfast and 10 a.m. And hopefully once I reach that "no big deal" phase, I can stick with it and never get to the "the hell with it, pass the hot fudge" stage.

Friday, January 18, 2002

The thing you should do first, when starting a new eating program, designed to lose weight (other than checking with your doctor, of course) is to check the clothes you've outgrown. Faced with an upcoming trip to Rochester, I'm looking for warm clothes. I've pretty much been wearing the same half dozen things for...perhaps years. I went looking for where my sweatshirts and sweaters are and found a closet full of clothes I'd forgotten. So now I have a goal--how soon I can fit into some of those things. (A wonderful warm coat I found in there, but ain't no way--if I were going to Rochester NEXT year, I could wear it!)

But today I'm wearing something I probably haven't worn in a year. Now, I know that you don't drop a size with 4-1/2 lbs, but I *feel* lighter. In fact, I feel like I'm moving better. It's a psychological thing at this point, but it's a good feeling.

Thursday, January 17, 2002

Made it thru the retirement dinner. I had ordered salmon, which I figured was lower in calories than duck or roast beef (the 3 choices). Salad was swimming in salad dressing. I ate all the non-touched pieces of lettuce and left the piece swimming in dressing. The salmon piece was huge and I ate half of it. I left the wild rice and ate all the veggies (and part of Walt's--he doesn't like onions). I had half a piece of French bread without butter. And then I had dessert. Mud pie. I ate all of it. Chocolate. An ice-creamy- thing, and whipped cream. I took the smallest piece. And then I came home and checked the recipe on the Internet. Turns out there are many varieties, and I took the highest calorie one. I calculated the points. 7 points for a tiny piece. I banked 10 points yesterday, and I had at least that left over for today. So I stayed on program and even have points left over. This is a terrific diet and I feel very much in control--I even knew when I ate the mud pie that I had enough points to cover it. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have eaten it. I was that much in control. A very good feeling.

I'm watching Oprah's show. "What it's like to be fat." The very first segment (which I'm still watching) caused me to run here to post this. The first woman (330 lbs) is reminiscing on being on diets all her life and the messages her mother sent. I could never write this in my other journal. Fortunately she doesn't web surf. One of my earliest memories that is so very clear in my mind is when I was about 7 and I absolutely loved ballet. I wanted to take ballet lessons and told my mother. Her answer? "They won't let you in the class. You're too fat." How do you say that to a 7 year old??? "You're too fat"?? How did I get too fat at age 7? I'm from the "a cookie will make it better" school of parenting. And food has always been "the" big thing in our family. Even today, when you go to visit my mother (whom I love very much and who is really a wonderful woman) the first words out of her mouth are "what can I get you to eat/drink?" So much emphasis was placed on special event foods. Dessert every night. Cookies when you came home from school. That sort of thing is wonderful, but it also contributed to making me, at age 7, be the kid who was too fat for ballet.

I was on my first diet at age 10. I've been on diets for nearly 50 years. That's why this is not a diet. This is the way I want to learn how to live my life from now on.

It was such a busy day at the office that I didn't even think about food (not even my allotted 10 pretzels each day). When I left, it was 1:30 and I was amazed that I wasn't frantic for food. I came home and fixed lunch and am way under on points foro the day, which is good because we're going to a retirement dinner tonight.

Yesterday was the most stressful day I've had in a very long time. I came home from work, sat in the car and just screamed. BUT...I did not rush to food. I stayed on plan and even banked points at the end of the day. I'm very proud of myself.

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Terrific breakfast this morning. I bought Krusteaz low-fat cranberry muffins. Each muffin is 2 pts, so I had two of them and a glass of milk for breakfast. Very yummy. Lunch is going to be a bit more tricky since I have to go out to lunch with Dr. G and what I have to eat is almost exclusively governed by what they are serving. (Also tricky to calculate points). And tomorrow night same thing--retirement dinner. I chose salmon, figuring it was fewer points than the alternatives, but I won't know till I see it how worried I need to be.

I decided to add a photo to this (not the best quality, I fear--I may change it later). It will allow me some opportunity to chart progress.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

4-1/2 lbs! I'm off to a good start. This week has been very easy, especially since I don't really CARE about the weight loss. The weigh-in is just out of curiosity.

Today I discovered Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. 2 points each. Oh. My. God. They are delicious. I also learned at the meeting today that Hagen Daas sorbet bars are only 1 point each--they say you can eat an entire box. Of course that's substituting one problem eating for another. My purpose here is to learn healthy eating--not gorging on frivolous food because I CAN.

Monday, January 14, 2002

God what a day. So busy. From start to finish. I worked 7 hrs without a break. Fortunately I'd remembered to bring food. I had half a peanut butter and jelly (well, "fruit spread") sandwich, carrots, lots and lots of pearl tomatoes, pretzels and a banana and that got me through the afternoon. I got home at 7:30 and had to cook dinner. Walt offered to help, but I still need to know the points before I eat anything, so I cooked something from the WW cookbook (tasty little thing) and now I have tapes to transcribe for three different people. I THINK I"m under on points for the day, but don't even have time to add them all up. Fortunately I'm too full to even think about nibbling on anything. I sure hope tomorrow isn't this busy.

Day #6 starts. Dinner last night was chicken, rice, salad, and green beans, with a banana for later. I banked 1 point at the end of the day. This is so easy. I know there comes a day when you go nuts--just GOTTA have that "thing" (whatever it is), but so far enthusiasm is holding strong. I've started reading the 100+ board on the WW community site and that is helpful--both encouragement and good meal ideas. Breakfast today bran flakes with thawed frozen strawberries, and a cup of milk.

Still haven't started any "exercise" though.

Sunday, January 13, 2002

Snack: grapes
Lunch: 1 can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup, with zucchini added
Snack: Happy Time 95% f/f popcorn

I think all that comes to about 5 points. And I'm definitely stuffed! The Happy Time tastes just like "normal" popcorn. While I love popcorn that is dripping with butter, I don't often make it that way because, well, it's a "fat lady" thing to do and doing it would admit I'm a fat lady (how we delude ourselves!). So I'm used to it "dry" and this tastes darn good!

A friend is going to join me in this diet as well. I'm going to send her some WW materials so we can do this together and be a support for each other.

I was copying out a recipe from the book to e-mail to her, to hold her until the materials get there. It's for a zero-points soup, which sounds delicious (so delicious, in fact, that I"m going to fix it for myself for lunch today). I began to tell her about foods that I want to try (no-fat microwave popcorn, "No-Pudge" brownies, etc.) and as I typed, realized just how much really good, tasty stuff there is out there.

Then I thought about how I've been eating lately. I've been DELIBERATELY eating bad foods. Given a huge shelf of low-fat things, I will actually SEARCH for high-fat things. It's like I've been on a self-destructive course for months, years. Now, even in this first week, I'm remembering that it's possible to have flavorful food--sometimes even better-tasting food--and you don't have to risk your health to do it. The choices are endless. Man does not live by chocolate alone.

So today's breakfast was half a cup of grapenuts with a sliced banana on top and half a cup of skim milk. Lunch will be the soup, and then since Walt is going to be at the opera tonight, I'll just have leftovers from the chicken last night (which was very tasty, BTW. I even allowed myself to leave the skin on a drumstick. I had so many points left over for the day and the fat had the real citrus-y flavor, so I had that, and still ended up banking points at the end of the day.

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